i had to stay working for extra 40 minutes today because TA didn't show up as my replacement @ 6pm. he didn't even call. when it hits 6:20, i talked to Wendy, the manager at NE branch, and she called my supervisor... other than looking for someone to take over TA's shift, my supervisor told Wendy that it's my last week at the lib. Wendy came up to me, looked all sad...
I kinda knew that would be her reaction... she always think i am of her most favorite part-time reference ppl. sometimes she makes me feel like i am just a cute little girl (maybe that's how she sees me?). she teases me for working too hard all the time, always told me she missed me when i am not working in NE and that i should visit more often... i don't know why she likes me this much, i always think it might be because i speak chinese and can help a lot more w/ the chinese speaking population at that location, and that i am very good with computers... all the reasons i think about are related to work... well, i still don't know why... haha
she gave me a big hug, said how much she'll miss me, and told me if i come back and an opportunity opens up, she'll for sure give me a big recommendation... it was a bit weird... it's like the first time I ever heard something like this.
sometimes I think i'll miss working in the lib... not just the job itself, but more the people i work with (many, though not all)... wait, now i think i can see how ppl think i am just a cute little girl--if they are in their 50s or 60s and i am in my 20s, and it also seems like i am so innocent that i really don't know anything of the REAL WORLD... hmm...
it has been a good 13 months working in the lib. i really like the job, though sometimes it can get bored, and other times challenged, stressed.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Saturday, August 25, 2007
podcast--book of job
i have been playing around podcast thing for a few days now... there is this daily audio bible podcast, and the first part of the passages is on the book of job these days.
at first I was like, you kidding, book of job?
book of job is kinda that special book for me. back in 6-8 years ago, when things were hard, life was going crazy, I would always turn to the book of job read it over and over again. Even 4 years ago, Hannah would always joke and say my nickname is Job. and there was this once three years ago, I was trying to type my name in Chinese, but somehow still have the English input method on, so when I was typing rae it came up as job... maybe everybody else had a good laugh, but I didn't know how to take it... even rose too, at one point of time she honestly admitted that she's just like those three friends of job, misunderstood and wrongly accused me regarded to the difficulties I was going or went through...
job, this man, was upright before God...
but he was very depressed due to the sufferings, I assume so, coz lots of things he said were just like my very own words... he honestly poured out all his pain, bitterness, anger, disappointement before God. he defended himself of all the misjudgements his friends placed upon him...
God had never answered Job's pleading for death, nor did His explain why everything happened the way it did. What God did was to show who He is to Job, with words.
Job's response:
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
"You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.'
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
God is not distant in mist of pain and suffering. I am thankful that I can come before Him, with no need to hide, can be totally honest about every feeling within me. I don't need to put myself together in order to approach Him, for He is near to the broken hearted.
at first I was like, you kidding, book of job?
book of job is kinda that special book for me. back in 6-8 years ago, when things were hard, life was going crazy, I would always turn to the book of job read it over and over again. Even 4 years ago, Hannah would always joke and say my nickname is Job. and there was this once three years ago, I was trying to type my name in Chinese, but somehow still have the English input method on, so when I was typing rae it came up as job... maybe everybody else had a good laugh, but I didn't know how to take it... even rose too, at one point of time she honestly admitted that she's just like those three friends of job, misunderstood and wrongly accused me regarded to the difficulties I was going or went through...
job, this man, was upright before God...
but he was very depressed due to the sufferings, I assume so, coz lots of things he said were just like my very own words... he honestly poured out all his pain, bitterness, anger, disappointement before God. he defended himself of all the misjudgements his friends placed upon him...
God had never answered Job's pleading for death, nor did His explain why everything happened the way it did. What God did was to show who He is to Job, with words.
Job's response:
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.
"You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.'
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
God is not distant in mist of pain and suffering. I am thankful that I can come before Him, with no need to hide, can be totally honest about every feeling within me. I don't need to put myself together in order to approach Him, for He is near to the broken hearted.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
苦中作樂啊~
i have been feeling like God is digging into the deepest part of my heart...
--not a pleasant feeling, at times, it can get really painful and uncomfortable.
sometimes i wonder why God even bothers to deal with someone like me
thankfulness...
it reminds me of the days i worked at warehouse doing inspection
the parts that pass the inspection would be boxed and then stamped "ACCEPTED"
those do not pass would be stamped "REJECTED" and return to manufacturer
i often feeling like i have a "REJECTED" stamp on my forehead, like a hot potato being tossed around.
but here is the good news:
God has picked me up, placed me in the palm of his hand with love, and carefully started fixing the distorted parts of me... He still wants me to be what He had intended for.
in the pains i have found love, the key that will unlocked all
--not a pleasant feeling, at times, it can get really painful and uncomfortable.
sometimes i wonder why God even bothers to deal with someone like me
thankfulness...
it reminds me of the days i worked at warehouse doing inspection
the parts that pass the inspection would be boxed and then stamped "ACCEPTED"
those do not pass would be stamped "REJECTED" and return to manufacturer
i often feeling like i have a "REJECTED" stamp on my forehead, like a hot potato being tossed around.
but here is the good news:
God has picked me up, placed me in the palm of his hand with love, and carefully started fixing the distorted parts of me... He still wants me to be what He had intended for.
in the pains i have found love, the key that will unlocked all
Saturday, August 18, 2007
ready to fly
just as what i feel:
FFH \ Ready To Fly
I've been here grounded far too long
I'm ready to see the open wide
Ready to sing a different song
I've seen my troubles 'long the way
I want to sail towards the sun
I want to turn another page
I'm on my way
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar
I'm ready to leave this world behind.
I'm ready to open up the door
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky
I think it's time
I'm ready to go
I'm ready to fly.
You've told me I could rise above
Like an eagle on the wind
I can glide upon Your love
But I feel the pull of gravity
And it's a weight upon my shoulders
i can't stay here any longer
I've gotta be free
And it's been so long
Since I've seen the bright morning sun
Through the early morning horizon
And it's been so long
Since I've felt the air under my wings
And seen all of these things from above
FFH \ Ready To Fly
I've been here grounded far too long
I'm ready to see the open wide
Ready to sing a different song
I've seen my troubles 'long the way
I want to sail towards the sun
I want to turn another page
I'm on my way
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to soar
I'm ready to leave this world behind.
I'm ready to open up the door
I'm ready to fly,
I'm ready to spread my wings across the sky
I think it's time
I'm ready to go
I'm ready to fly.
You've told me I could rise above
Like an eagle on the wind
I can glide upon Your love
But I feel the pull of gravity
And it's a weight upon my shoulders
i can't stay here any longer
I've gotta be free
And it's been so long
Since I've seen the bright morning sun
Through the early morning horizon
And it's been so long
Since I've felt the air under my wings
And seen all of these things from above
Sunday, August 12, 2007
after all...
I was fairly surprised that people would compliment on things I do at work.
Thursday evening after work, I told my boss @ Kumon that I won't be able to work there any more after the summer. Her response was, "Oh my God, I am in big trouble!... You have always been very reliable, always know what to do... " she was also concerning, asking if my decision to go home has to do with my health problem.
Same morning, I was working at the library. because of shorting of hands, my supervisor actually came out to be at the reference desk @ MC with me. I was quite nervous around her.... but I tried to be the way I normally am. and later (the next day) she sent out e-mail to the whole group saying the way I dealt with certain situation was very good, and everybody should learn from me... I was quite blown away--how is it possible?
I always see myself putting a lot of efforts but still like fail 1/3 of the time, if not all... I am always frustrated at myself. I always wonder why I try so hard and still not getting anywhere, but others who are not even trying half as hard as I do, but can do thing so much better than me...
maybe it's true... that I am not a total failure after all. even though I am not good at most of the things i do, but i don't need to place my identity on what i do and how well i can do it.
I want to thank God that, yes, my identity is in Him alone, coz He called me His own.
Thursday evening after work, I told my boss @ Kumon that I won't be able to work there any more after the summer. Her response was, "Oh my God, I am in big trouble!... You have always been very reliable, always know what to do... " she was also concerning, asking if my decision to go home has to do with my health problem.
Same morning, I was working at the library. because of shorting of hands, my supervisor actually came out to be at the reference desk @ MC with me. I was quite nervous around her.... but I tried to be the way I normally am. and later (the next day) she sent out e-mail to the whole group saying the way I dealt with certain situation was very good, and everybody should learn from me... I was quite blown away--how is it possible?
I always see myself putting a lot of efforts but still like fail 1/3 of the time, if not all... I am always frustrated at myself. I always wonder why I try so hard and still not getting anywhere, but others who are not even trying half as hard as I do, but can do thing so much better than me...
maybe it's true... that I am not a total failure after all. even though I am not good at most of the things i do, but i don't need to place my identity on what i do and how well i can do it.
I want to thank God that, yes, my identity is in Him alone, coz He called me His own.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
i still believe...
when the dark clouds cover the sky
sunshine is nowhere to be seen
I still believe
when the storm comes
the roar sounds
the waves is swallowing all of me
I still believe
when nothing makes any sense
sufferings and pains persist
hope is nowhere to be found
I still believe
God is good, and forever He will be
sunshine is nowhere to be seen
I still believe
when the storm comes
the roar sounds
the waves is swallowing all of me
I still believe
when nothing makes any sense
sufferings and pains persist
hope is nowhere to be found
I still believe
God is good, and forever He will be
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
stuck in my head...
life is back to the slowness it used to be... today will be the first day i need to think of what i can to do after work. Plus, I have Wednesday and Friday off... Thinking about taking a trip somewhere. Anyways, I woke up this morning with this part of the song stuck in my head, even till now... "I'll worship You for who You are"...
yeah, despite of all the thing going on in my life, despite of the inadequacy and useless I felt about myself, despite of how much I have tried and only to see myself fail, despite of all the difficulities I am facing, despite of the uncertainy and hopelessness I see in me, despite of me unable to fight while knowing the battle is strong...
God is God, who is worthy of all the praises.
yeah, despite of all the thing going on in my life, despite of the inadequacy and useless I felt about myself, despite of how much I have tried and only to see myself fail, despite of all the difficulities I am facing, despite of the uncertainy and hopelessness I see in me, despite of me unable to fight while knowing the battle is strong...
God is God, who is worthy of all the praises.
Friday, August 3, 2007
classes ending...
3 more days to go :D yay~ almost there!!!
thank God that this indeed is not forever...
thank God that this indeed is not forever...
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
3 months ago...
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
In this storm of life
should I laugh, should I sing
should I dance on the mountain top
when the whole world is shaking
and the light before me is fading away
I reach out my hands
yet have nothing to hold on to
I take a step with the all the strength left
yet my feet do not land on leveled ground
waves keep crashing
water make a splash on my face, roaring,
in the darkest night, all alone
I see my little boat starts sinking
I lift up my eyes to the sky
wish to see the light shining through
yet above me, there's only dark clouds
wondering, will the miracles of old time happen again
crying out from the depth of my heart, thinking
maybe my anguish voice will reach the heaven
winds keep blowing, waves keep crashing
nothing has yet to be changed
have my eyes gotten blind, my ears deaf
have my heart grew dull, my faith dead
have the storm caught all my attention,
and Goliath the giant blocked my view
O my soul, rise up and give praise to the Lord
6:58 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it
In this storm of life
should I laugh, should I sing
should I dance on the mountain top
when the whole world is shaking
and the light before me is fading away
I reach out my hands
yet have nothing to hold on to
I take a step with the all the strength left
yet my feet do not land on leveled ground
waves keep crashing
water make a splash on my face, roaring,
in the darkest night, all alone
I see my little boat starts sinking
I lift up my eyes to the sky
wish to see the light shining through
yet above me, there's only dark clouds
wondering, will the miracles of old time happen again
crying out from the depth of my heart, thinking
maybe my anguish voice will reach the heaven
winds keep blowing, waves keep crashing
nothing has yet to be changed
have my eyes gotten blind, my ears deaf
have my heart grew dull, my faith dead
have the storm caught all my attention,
and Goliath the giant blocked my view
O my soul, rise up and give praise to the Lord
6:58 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it
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